My Life Is Perfect, And I Will Not Apologize For It

Thought Catalog

Gossip Girl / Amazon.comGossip Girl /

I wake up at 6:30 in the morning, every morning, without the aid of an alarm clock. My circadian rhythm is adjusted to the max, so I wake up naturally feeling awesome. Diane—she’s my neuroplastic consult—says that my suprachiasmatic nucleus is a thing of evolutionary splendor. (If you don’t know what a suprachiasmatic nucleus is, sorry/not sorry. Keep up. Wikipedia? Heard of it?) I shower (fifteen minutes) do my hair and make-up (twenty minutes) and by the time I’m ready, my live-in boyfriend Charlie has breakfast on the table. Charlie looks like a combination of Ryan Gosling, Ben Whishaw and a young Stephen Colbert. Having trouble imagining it? I’d attach a picture, but Charlie wouldn’t like it. He’s shy, which is amazing, considering the perfunctory washboard sexiness of his abs—abs that I stare at over a table of omelets and turkey bacon, because Charlie hates wearing…

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